Swansea give R's whipping

Match Report: Swansea 4-1 QPR

Just when you thought Rangers' defence had tightened up a bit under Harry and that scoring goals would be the key to us staying up, this happened.

When Swansea and Rangers came up together from the Championship two seasons ago, it was a not uncommon view that QPR would stay in the Premiership for the long haul while the Welshmen would struggle to sustain their status as they were still very much a work in progress and lacking the finances of the boys from W12, particularly after the arrival of Tony Fernandes. Since then, both teams have done their absolute best to turn this reasonable logic on it’s head.  Swansea have spent wisely and under consecutive ‘bright young thing’ managers have created a system of retaining possession and a cutting edge, allied with a reasonable sturdiness at the back. QPR have spent like a gambler in Vegas, with each long shot punt looking more forlorn than the last.

This was an invaluable trip for learning Welsh. I even know how to say "you're rich and you're effing shit" now!

Rangers started without the injured Remy and Fabio and looked set up to soak pressure and try and sneak a set piece goal to win it. This lasted five minutes before Michu mishit home a shot spilled by Cesar and then the R's completely imploded when 12 minutes later local hero Angel Rangel did the same thing. Cesar has been the shining light in recent weeks for the R's and proved an extremely dependable last line of defence, but he was flappy here and clearly uncomfortable with pass backs which he was repetitively sold by his frail defence in front of him - it was revealed after the game that Cesar had played with an injury sustained against Norwich, which won't have helped and it is questionable whether it was a good idea to play him from the outset. For the rest of the half QPR had no Plan B and with Derry and Mbia willingly conceding ground allowed Swansea to totally dictate the game with the inevitable ‘tippy tappy’ Jacks enjoying themselves without even having to try - particularly when twisting and turning around  the statues of Clint Hill and Armand Traore. Reflecting at half time, the only two efforts on goal Rangers had created were a wild blast from Taarabt long after the whistle had been blown for which he was booked and a set piece culminating in a header from Onouha that ended up further away from the goal than it had started. That was it, absolutely diabolical. A similar first half performance to that in the Norwich home game, only more damaging.

In fairness to Redknapp, he responded at half time, bringing on Zamora and Granero for Derry and the anonymous Jamie Mackie (who couldn't seem to decide whether he was a striker or winger). Within two minutes it was ‘game on’ as this time Vorm did the spilling: Taarabt shot from 25 yards and Zamora was quickest to react and scored with a tap in. This was but a fleeting moment as the sea of dross and ineptitude was resumed as Pablo Hernandez waltzed his way through the right side of QPRs defence and scored with what looked like a cross. Cesar, after single-handedly keeping Chelsea, Spurs and Man City at bay in recent weeks, was having a stinker. Apparently this was the first time three Spaniard’s have scored for the same team in the Premier League.

Compared to the limpness of the first half, there was just a fraction more conviction about Rangers and when Townsend’s cross was deliberately handled in the box by Williams there appeared to be an opportunity to get back into the game again (last week’s penalty miss notwithstanding). But referee Swarbrick and his assistants couldn’t or wouldn’t so didn’t and from the resulting corner Mbia had a goal-bound shot turned off the line.

A couple of weeks ago we saw Swansea begin pursuing innovative ways of breaking down opposing team’s momentum through time wasting tactics with the infamous ballboy/Hazard incident. Today saw three ball changes because they were not inflated to satisfactory levels for total football and a ridiculous amount of feigned head injuries that all added to Rangers' frustration.

On 67 minutes the away end half emptied as Michu shrugged off £13m man mountain Samba (how?) and poked home the fourth with ease. With the game long over and Swansea already thinking of Wembley in a fortnight, QPR began to play and eventually created chances: Taarabt curled around the post and SWP (introduced in a lightweight for lightweight exchange with Jenas) hit the bar on 90+2.

Swansea looked like a decent outfit but were made to look better by Rangers being toothless, set-up wrong and playing incredibly badly. In all probability this was always on the cards as the moment Bunn saved Taarabt’s penalty last week heads dropped as they realised that the size of the task was too daunting and they couldn’t be arsed anyway. Next up, Manchester United!

Man of the match: Miguel Michu continues to stun everyone in the Premier League and proved as he did on the opening day against Rangers where he announced his arrival to English (Welsh) football just what a class act he is. I can't see the Swans holding on to him for much longer, but at least he'll win them a first major trophy. 

Rangers Cesar point from the champions

Match Review: QPR 0-0 Manchester City

It is staggering to think that QPR fans have only seen eight home league goals this season, but given the circumstances and the season so far I think solid defensive shut-outs and points against the big boys are more welcome than entertainment value right now. As we discovered on transfer deadline day this week, value for money is something QPR don't deliver in any department anyway!

Coming in to this fixture QPR were on a reasonable run of league form , 1 win and 2 draws so far in 2013, albeit with only 2 goals scored but a miserly 1 conceded. Manchester City, on the other hand, had won all 3 fixtures since the turn of the year, scoring 7 to nil against. The R's team was much changed from the McCup humiliation and bizarrely included 2 keepers on the bench, a nice subtle 'I'm down to the bare bones' message from Harry ahead of his second favourite date of the calendar year (the other being 31st August).

In swirling misty rain the game started pretty evenly with most of QPR's play going through Taarabt while City had more possession and attacked in particular down the left hand side. Mbia had his customary early injury scare and lie down before the Champions really began to ask the questions. A succession of inswinging corners were dealt with, some less comfortably than others. It took 16 minutes until Man City played their way through with Aguero getting round the side of Nelsen and attacking the box with a low cross put behind by Hill. Corners continued to rain in from Milner and Silva with Cesar punching or more precisely flapping when under pressure. At the end of this sequence Milner broke in from the left, Silva attracted all 4 of QPRs markers and then when Zabaleta was picked out instead he had acres of space but only hit the bar with his header. Makeshift City centre half Javi Garcia then hit a screamer from fully 35 yards which faded just off target. Later in the half Taarabt barrelled his way through in a counter attacking move and forced Hart to rush out to save. This was a rare moment as by now the R's game plan of soaking up pressure and hoping for Taarabt to slip something through to Remy on the break was obvious. The slick interplay, attacking flair and incredible ball retention of the City players, particularly that of David Silva, showed the gulf in class between the two sides. It was a City onslaught and a goal looked certain.

Mbia, freshly booked for clipping Clichy, lost his footing and Tevez attacked. He found Aguero who hit his shot firm and true but it was turned round by a wonder save from Cesar.  Part 1 was completed at 0-0. Given this was against the Champions, against the wind and effectively with 10 men (as Granero seemed, at times, to be conspiring with his fellow Spaniards Garcia and Silva who had basically run the game), this was no mean feat.

The second half was more of the same but with three slight twists; QPR began to play with a bit more attacking intent and made some chances, referee Dowd started going all 'Big Team' bias and City began to look frustrated. Granero got booked and Remy opened his body to attempt a curler that went too high and wide, but it was still mostly City in the ascendancy. Dzeko was introduced for Nasri but Cesar continued to repel all efforts. Mbia had his second lie down of the evening and when fouled again on 77 minutes Rangers had a slightly off-centre free kick 25 yards out - ideal Taarabt territory. Unfortunately, and not for the first time this season, Granero exerted his seniority and blasted high and wide, prompting angry waving and boos from the terraces. Shortly after Hart had been teased by the crowd for his shampoo endorsements came the first of two controversial penalty claims, one for each side. On 73 minutes Remy was brought down in the box as he cut in from the right but Dowd ignored the appeals (a look at the replay revealed that Remy certainly made the most of it, which perhaps was what made the referee's mind up). On 87 minutes Onuoha looked to foul City bench warmer Scott Sinclair at the far end, but again, with a strong suspicion of evening things out, it wasn't given. In between Cesar had produced another pergunto salvar (that's Brazilian for wonder save) from Silva. Three subs from Harry (Park, Faurlin and Zamora) saw out the 4 minutes of added time. A clean sheet was the least Nelsen deserved on his last appearance and it was down to the stunning efforts of Cesar that this was achieved.

In my calculation of 36, 37, 38 or however many points for safety, I had nothing down for this one, so it represents a good point. Norwich on Saturday, however, will see a whole different level of expectation. Especially with the teams around us continuing to match or better our positive results!

Man of the match: As suggested by the title, it has to be the one Mark Hughes signing who has really lived up to his reputation (well at least in recent weeks). Julio Cesar has frustrated some of the world's best footballers in the last few weeks, conceding just once in the league since the turn of the year. Here he turned in another heroic display, with stunning saves from Barry in the first half and Silva in the second here. 

46 across, 1 down?

Match Report: West Ham 1-1 QPR

Rangers fans will be very satisfied to have come away with a point from the Boleyn Ground, after the Hammers banged at the door relentlessly throughout this ding dong derby.

QPR headed to West Ham for their third league derby game in a row with Loïc Rémy making his debut with a midfielder (Ji-Sung Park) sacrificed to accommodate him. West Ham started brightly mixing attacks through Cole (of the Joe variety) and Jarvis down the wings with direct balls into central areas for their debutante Chamakh to compete against Hill and Nelsen. After just 6 minutes one such attack down the right saw Diame get to the bye-line and play a low dangerous ball all the way across the goal line and out the other side. Cesar saved with his legs, as often appears the case.

Bubbles and snowflakes everywhere

Rangers were meanwhile growing into the game and on two occasions Rémy was flagged offside when running onto through balls from Taarabt. On 14 minutes this combination worked again to deadly effect with Rémy timing his run perfectly and crisply driving past Jaaskelainen for one nil from the edge of the area. A very confident finish which had the Rangers fans instantly singing his name and echoed of Djibril Cisse's debut goals away at Aston Villa last season where investment in a new striker paid immediate dividends. 

I would go as far as saying that Rangers continued to be the marginally better side for the next fifteen minutes following the goal with Taarabt strutting well creating half chances for SWP and Mackie and drawing a booking for a foul by Tomkins. On half an hour Chamakh decided he would audition for Splash but as with each of the previous two derbies, where Bertrand (Chelsea) and Lennon (Spuds) attempted laughable theatrics, the referee failed to punish with a booking.

West Ham were now on the charge and getting plenty of men in the box with Nolan heading over and Mbia appearing from nowhere behind Diame and clearing before he was able to shoot home. Nevertheless, QPR held out and went in at the break one up.

The second half can be summed up in almost a single word: onslaught. At times the Rangers goal led a charmed life with blocks, ricochets and Cesar's legs (again) all keeping the Iron out. Mbia managed to fit in his traditional 'lie in agony on the floor' time after another six yard box scramble. Only when the home fans had been wound up to a frenzy did the Cameroonian get up and walk round to rejoin play at the first opportunity, completely unimpaired. Cesar was busy, occasionally unconventionally (for him) using his hands to save. He also stood up well to the bombardment of crosses into the box from Matt Jarvis, as did Nelsen and Hill. It was extremely disappointing from a Rangers perspective that Redknapp didn't want to cut off the supply by closing down the Irons' wingers. Jarvis in particular was having far too much joy against Nedum Onuoha.

Substitutions aplenty followed as SWP and Mackie were replaced by Traore and Bothroyd for Rangers while Carlton Cole came on for Spam to replace the ineffective Chamakh, who they might as well send back to Arsenal on today's evidence. This seemed to be a game-changer as there was now much more aerial menace and there was a sense of inevitability when the equaliser finally arrived on 68 minutes. Jarvis dinked one up from the left which Carlton Cole headed goalwards. Cesar's diving save left Joe Cole with a tap in and his first West Ham goal for 10 years. Sam Allardyce reckoned West Ham had 46 crosses in the game, so based on the law of probability alone it was always likely that one would result in a goal.

Rangers continued to offer nothing up front with Rémy now anonymous and Taarabt withdrawn for Park as Redknapp demonstrated that leaving with a point was now the aim. Every time they were able to break out of their half (can't have been more than twice in the second half) Rangers looked lost and unsure whether to hold on to the ball or try to set up an attack and go for the win, which often lead to through balls being played with nobody on the end of them or cheap surrendering of possession. West Ham meanwhile continued to chuck it in the mixer but the only real concern was when Cesar was tempted to go walkies from his box but Fabio cleared up behind. Final score 1-1.

So as it turned out, this fixture was very similar to the Cisse debut of around a year ago - the new striker scored with a great goal in the first half and had the fans instantly singing with new found optimism in their voices, only to fade in the second half along with the rest of his team mates and allow the opposition to fight their way back into the game and have the away fans feel lucky to go home with anything. Under normal circumstances 5 points from 3 derby games, two of which were away, would represent a decent return. However, games are fast running out and, despite the positive of being unbeaten in 5 games in 2013 (including the FA Cup sponsored by HMV), Rangers remain 5 points from safety. Next for the Rs are three consecutive home games; FC Franchise (FA Cup (sponsored by Jessops), then Citeh and the Canaries in the EPL.

Man of the Match: One man who continues to shine is goalkeeper Julio Cesar, who showed his best form again here in East London with several 'worldies' to allow the Hoops to come away with a point they didn't deserve. His wobbly days under Hughes seem to be behind him now, fingers crossed his form continues.

C

Rangers clip AVB's wingers

Match Review: QPR 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur

Queens Park Rangers continued their recent revival in front of the Sky Sports cameras for this twice rescheduled fixture (I hate the power they have sometimes, they completely mug fans off, it is they that I think should be subsidising away fans given the amount of crap they have to go through when a game gets rescheduled!)

Rangers kicked off this lunchtime fixture with one change to the starting eleven who had brought back three points from Stamford Bridge, Ji-Sung Park returning from injury replacing the now injured Granero to the delight of the Korean contingent in the stands. Spurs were at full strength (unless missing Kaboul counts?) and both Parker and Assou-Ekotto were available on the bench. 

Spurs looked the brighter in the opening stages and on 5 minutes Defoe was allowed to drift inside and unload a fierce shot from 18 yards which Cesar did magnificently to touch onto the post. Adebayor picked up the rebound and beat Clint Hill but also saw his effort turned away by the Rangers keeper. Shortly afterwards Aaron Lennon made a shameful Ashley Young-like dive which wasn't punished by referee Lee Probert. Probert is famous at Loftus Road for once sending off mascot Jude the cat because he was confusing him with the other eleven QPR players on the field at the time! On 11 minutes SWP showed some renewed confidence and went on a jinking run and had his goalbound shot deflected just wide by Dawson. Much of the rest of the first half saw Tottenham stroking the ball around well but continuing to meet stiff QPR resistance from the determined back four well protected by Derry and Mbia. Rangers were also defending well from the front with Mackie, SWP and Taarabt all working hard to close down opponents. Spurs were probably guilty of lacking ambition as neither of their full backs showed much in the way of attacking intent. Bale was busy but delivered no end product on the left but Lennon faded from the game. Both were well chaperoned as Fabio and Onuoha gave probably their best Hooped performances to date.

Halfway through the first half Sandro was replaced by Parker. This seemed to coincide with Ji-Sung Park transforming from a promising showing of harrying and probing to a frustrated figure who always seemed to arrive on the scene two seconds after the action had moved on. Basically for the next 67 minutes, he ran around a lot but had no impact on the game.

Dembele versus Mbia was a good contest with the Belgian well shackled by the Cameroonian for the most part and, particularly in the first half, the Rangers powerhouse was able to charge forward on some of his buccaneering runs.

After the break Spurs controlled the game for 15 minutes or so with QPR unable to get any decent possession in attacking areas, despite Taarabt's continued excellent hold-up play. He was isolated as the supporting players were fully stretched defending but to his credit he showed a level of maturity without the ball and without any support which we rarely saw from him in the Championship and last season. In spite of this, Tottenham did not really work Cesar with the closest attempt being a Kyle Walker free kick from range. Rangers came back into the game with Fabio and SWP having chances to score but when they did get forward there were no bodies in the box. Dempsey and Sigurdsson (that's probably Icelandic for Smith) came on as Spurs also began to look as if they would settle for a point. An outrageous piece of skill saw SWP mug Bale tight on the touchline as QPR pushed on. On 85 minutes Mbia collided with Lloris after the whistle had been blown. 3 minutes later when Big Steph had stopped rolling over, Probert arrived to declare all life extinct as Mbia lay motionless. In a moment of pure eschatology (look it up), Mbia was risen from the dead and rejoined the match as if nothing had happened. You've gotta love the big guy, and I forgot to mention that he continued his world record attempt to be booked for ridiculous infringements in the 69th minute when he added a nonchalant handball to his repertoire.

No further action of note and nil nil was probably a fair result. Spurs are third (fourth now) in the EPL for a reason and they have bags more quality than QPR, which showed here throughout. The R's were set up to defend and try and nick a goal from a set piece. If Tottenham had scored Rangers would have been scuppered, but they didn't, so 4 points from two derbies is an excellent return. So on we go to Upton Park (via a FA Cup replay that nobody wants) for jellied eels all round.

Man of the match: There were some stellar performances in the Rangers back line and a dogged display in midfield, so this, for once, is a very tough one to call. But I'll hand it to Julio Cesar, without whom QPR would have definitely let in a goal and heads would have dropped. That's back to back clean sheets in the league for the Brazilian.

Finally, a quick line for some of our new readers: Spurs have been linked with Kazakh playmaker Dmitry Byakov, who could make all the difference as they push to secure Champions League qualification. Вы услышали это здесь в первую очередь.

C

Lightning definitely doesn't strike twice...

Match Review: QPR 0-3 Liverpool

Ranger's latest attempt to re-start the kick-start to their season took place today in front of the Sky cameras at Loftus Road. But unlike last year's fixture between the two sides which proved the turning point in their season, this one was a disaster...

The team was 'freshened up' by the reintroduction of Julio Cesar in goal after Rob Green's disastrous error versus West Brom, as well as the welcome (on the face of it) return of Onuoha, Nelsen and Diakite outfield.

Rangers were extremely slow out of the blocks and seemed to lack energy and determination right from the first whistle. On 3 minutes a Suarez shot was well saved by Julio Cesar, apparently on his way directly to a festive fancy dress party dressed as a banana. On 10 minutes, Suarez was proving a nuisance once again and mugged Liverpool fan Clint Hill, strode forward unopposed and stroked the ball in for one nil, which silenced the capacity crowd.

Banana man looking beaten before the game has even started!

The game continued with QPR frenetic, and Liverpool controlled and were threatening whenever in possession. At the quarter hour Traore was missing from his full back post as Suarez cut in from the right. His shot across goal was played directly back to him by Onuoha and Rat boy scored again as he continued moving when the QPR defence didn't. What was most remarkable about this is that the goal went down as a Stewart Downing assist - surely the midfielder didn't mean it?

Rangers first attacking spell of any note saw a Taarabt free kick clip the wall on 20 minutes and Mbia attempt an audacious overhead kick. Soon Downing broke down the right again with Traore nowhere in the picture and Nelsen just cleared his own bar. Two minutes later a short corner was played to Gerrard who had all the time he needed to measure up and swing in a perfect cross for the unchallenged Agger to head home for three nil. Liverpool, sensing a score to rival Chelsea's recent eight and Arsenal's seven, pressed on with every attack down either wing causing mayhem. Traore and Onuoha were AWOL from their full back positions almost every time the Scousers attacked, the former having been guilty of neglecting his defensive duties for much of the season so far.

The first half concluded with Mbia, not for the first time, rolling around on the floor like a toddler throwing a tantrum, looking for a free kick that never came. Rangers thoroughly deserved being booed off at half time having offered nothing - no quality, no ideas, no spirit; only three nil was something of a blessing.

For the second half Cisse was withdrawn with the veteran Derry coming on to stiffen up midfield, which will no doubt have angered the Frenchman who will feel he did little to deserve to be hauled off. However this was all about damage limitation now... 

Liverpool felt at 3-0 the game was safe (2-0 wasn't last year was it!) and were now playing in second gear, probably saving themselves for tougher challenges this week versus Sunderland and Mansfield. They also seemed to over-concentrate on trying to set up Suarez for his hat-trick.  In an all-South American duel on a winter's day in miserable England, Cesar saved well from the Uruguayan on 50 minutes. From a short corner on 53 minutes Jordan 'somehow capped by England' Henderson shot over. Mbia picked up his customary booking on 56 minutes, this time for overdoing things in the theatrical department.

A rare Rangers attack on the hour mark saw Traore put in a good cross but Mackie couldn't make a connection. Granero was brought on for QPR and Lucas for Liverpool. Granero's first action was to argue with Taarabt over who should take a freekick. Unfortunately the Spaniard won, and delivered a very poor effort from as decent a shooting position as we had found all game. 

The change meant that Rangers were now playing a bizarre formation with Wright-Phillips at right back, Onuoha and Hill at centre back with Nelsen left back, Traore left wing and Mbia up top with Mackie. Presumably this was down to Redknapp finally realising that it was no good relying on Traore to defend. But after 15 minutes of this experiment clearly not working and Liverpool easily holding Rangers at arms length, SWP was withdrawn as an act of  mercy. Fabio was brought on for the home team and did nothing other than get booked and booed for his Manure links. Lucas was also booked for tugging Granero. 

Added time was played out with nothing of note other than the ball striking my knee from another wayward Mbia effort.

In summary then, the damage was all done in the first half hour after which there was no way back for Rangers. Liverpool's slick passing opened up Ranger's defence at will. Derry did indeed prevent further humiliation after the break but I don't recall Reina making a single difficult save. Onward to Stamford Bridge on Wednesday....

Man of the Match: It pains me to say it because he is everything that disgusts me about modern day footballers - a cheat, a diver, a serial complainer, unsportsmanlike and generally a prat, but there is no denying that Luis Suarez is a gifted footballer. Yes, there was Sunday league like resistance between him and the goal today, but his determination, chasing of lost causes, ability to run in behind defenders, skill and this season's newly discovered ability to finish chances make him a real handful. I've no idea how playing Daniel Sturridge along side him might work though!

R's shoot themselves in the foot again as Gunners capitalise in London derby

Match Review: Arsenal 1-0 QPR

Just another routine week at QPR. Once again they looked like a half decent team that can compete at Premier League level for much of the game, only to go on and lose through being their own worst enemies.

The form book suggested that for the first time this season, Arsenal were having one of their wobbly spells where people start to question Arsene Wenger and his signings. Unexpected defeats at Norwich away and at home to Schalke will have given the R's side cause for optimism and there was genuine belief among the travelling support that they could take something back across London at 5pm on Saturday evening if they played as they had done in some of their better moments this season. And they really should have done, because Arsenal were here for the taking. And surprise, surprise, they only have themselves to blame for not doing that...

The game began with fairly even possession - not something many teams achieve against Arsenal on their own patch! But QPR's passing game has been one of the few things to take heart from this season; the midfield can push it around quite nicely at times. Most of the R's play was deliberately down the right hand side, which Hughes had clearly identified as a chink in the Arsenal armour, given Andre Santos' inability to defend and tendency to maraud into and hover in the opposition half. However, this tactic was blighted by Jose Bosingwa's dreadful delivery into the box, Bobby Zamora being in the wrong places at the wrong time and unable to win a header when he was and the general shite that Shaun Wright-Phillips produces. Quite how the latter manages to continue to be in Mark Hughes' first team plans when it is so blindingly obvious that he can't take men on, cross or shoot, is just unfathomable. 

For the home side, there was the welcome sight of Jack Wilshere on the Haemorrhoids Stadium pitch for the first time in 17 months and his every touch (some quite impressive actually) was greeted by a cheer in the otherwise library-like arena. Lukas Podolski also impressed early on with some skilful touches and powerful runs, and the Gooners did test the R's keeper on a couple of occasions. Cesar made a few nervy saves, parrying on a couple of occasions but fortunately into safe areas. All in all, it was an even and fairly uneventful first half which, given how chaotic first halves have been for QPR defensively this season, was good news. Disappointingly, though, for all their decent defending and possession, QPR hadn't carved out any clear-cut opportunities, which reaffirmed the story of their season in front of goal so far.

Despite SWP's best efforts to replicate the goal QPR conceded here last year (where he played a stray pass to Van Persie and you can guess the rest), the R's held out thanks to the heroics of a now well occupied Julio Cesar. Arsenal just didn't look like scoring and were clearly annoyed by the fact that they weren't in control (as QPR were seeing plenty of the ball, just not doing a lot with it). This frustration clearly got the better of Olivier Giroud who took out Armand Traore's bad leg with a cynical foul (I reckon he knew that he could wipe the glass man out with a tackle like that).

But then, just when the Arsenal frustration was at its peak and the game looked as though it would fizzle out for a creditable away point for the Hoops, defensive suicide was committed. I've warned in previous match reviews that Stephane Mbia looks like he has it in him to be as mental as Samba Diakite and this week my worst fears were realised when incredibly and inexplicably, after winning a free kick, he elected to kick out at Thomas Vermaelen. Unbelievable! It seems in recent weeks we've crept back into our old ways which blighted the early part of the Mark Hughes era with a series of sendings off and now we go into a crucial run of what you might call 'winnable' fixtures (well, Reading at home, Stoke away and Southampton at home is not quite as daunting as some of our early games) with injuries and suspensions we could really have done without. 

The sending off galvanised Arsenal and suddenly Rangers were under siege. Cesar was producing Houdini-esque miracles between the sticks to keep them at bay but eventually parried one shot too many to an onrushing (and offside) Mikel Arteta, who, after heading an initial effort against the bar, was on hand to tap home the rebound beyond the helpless R's custodian who hadn't had time to recover from the initial wonder-save he made. This was a poor decision by the officials but I'm sure had this one not been given, they would still have found a way through the fragile R's defence. Hughes bizarrely went on to claim that the goal changed the game, but to me it was clear that he only has one idiot to blame for the latest in a catalogue of individual errors.

Amazingly, there was still time for QPR to enjoy their best three chances of the game, two in one-on-one situations with Vito Mannone, who had had a very quiet afternoon up to now. It seems to me that the Superhoops have developed a bit of a habit of turning up the heat and actually taking risks after going a goal behind - they did so against West Ham and West Brom and attempted to do it again here. The first of the trilogy was spurned by Esteban Granero, who dragged his shot wide when all around him expected him to put the ball away after being allowed to escape the attentions of the Arsenal back line. The second was from substitute Jamie Mackie, who must have had the famous goal he scored at Derby County in 2010 on his mind as he weaved his way through the Arsenal defence, only to hit the ball straight at the onrushing Mannone. The third golden chance was an excellent free kick from Granero which had the keeper scrambling but ended up hitting the side netting. On reflection, if any of those had gone in then it would have been a deserved point, but only in the sense that Arsenal were no better than QPR on the day. 

Still, it's never dull supporting QPR and you just don't know what's going to happen next - but you can at least say with some certainty that they will press the self destruct button at some point in any given game. If you're reading Sparky, I've two things to recommend: 1) Anger management classes for the whole squad and 2) Beat Reading or you're getting the tin tack...

Man of the Match: There was one stand out performance in the QPR side here: Julio Cesar. But for his heroics at various points in the game, especially after the R's went down to ten men, the score could have been a lot higher. You still have to wonder what the hell he was thinking when he put pen to paper at Loftus Road.

Six weekends, zero wins

As it's now after Monday dinner time and neither of us have managed to catch much of the weekend's action, we thought we'd give you a treat and combine our weekend review with C's match review of Monday night's East-West London derby at Loftus Road.

The weekend itself brought a memorable (or less so in J's case) win for Spurs over Manchester United at Old Trafford - a first since 1989, in fact. I managed to take in the game in the pub and I'll be honest, I genuinely thought I was watching match highlights in that frantic three minutes at the start of the second half. In summary, United showed just how much they missed the presence of Wayne Rooney in the first half, whilst at the back Rio Ferdinand looked past it (not for the first time, I hasten to add) up against the pace of Bale and Defoe. Evans looked like he has returned to his bad old ways again after a fairly solid season last season in which he won over several of his critics. I don't really understand how anyone can criticise RVP for his performance (as some have) - it was simply an off day for him and he'll be hitting the net again in no time. Finally, did Sir Alex really say there was 'not enough injury time to win the game'?! The team selection seemed a bit baffling considering it's total lack of pace, when everyone knows that is Spurs main attribute. However to paraphrase Mark Twain 'reports of Man Utd's death are greatly exaggerated'. Don't write them off any time soon.

Liverpool picked up their first league win of the campaign away in Norfolk where they could easily have won by a greater margin but for their usual profligacy. The Norwich defence were all at sea again with Michael Turner and Leon Barnett having a very good go at impersonating the Keystone Cops. It is no coincidence that in the two games that Sebastien Bassong has missed for the Canaries, they have conceded 11 goals. Rat boy Suarez cashed in here as he recorded a second consecutive hat-trick at Carrow Road to leave the locals sick of the sight of him (isn't that the feeling most people get when they see him though?!).

Roundup of our teams

We've said enough about the misfortunes of Manchester United above and QPR below but it didn't stop there for us as Crewe Alexandra had a five match unbeaten run ended by MK Dons. Charlie MacDonald struck after just eight minutes after getting himself on the end of a ball in from Dean Bowditch to give Franchise FC all three points.

Imagine our delight then when our German correspondent told of back to back home wins for 1. FC Union Berlin who emerged victorious in the Brandenburg derby with a 3:1 win over Cottbus. In a bad tempered affair which saw both sides finish ten-a-side, Simon Terodde, Christoph Quiring (who has been something of a revelation for Union so far this year) and Björn Jopek scored for Die Eiserner to rocket them up to 13th in the German 2nd Division. Daniel Haas, a newbie between the sticks for Union having signed from Hoffenheim over the Summer, also saved a crucial penalty at 2:1. Keep it up lads!!

Match Review: QPR 1-2 West Ham United

Sky Sports, the Park Ji-Sung fan club and I were in attendance for Monday night football as QPR took on West Ham in the Premier League seeking a first win of the season. Sadly, the QPR defence were not in attendance, and that's not the first time this week I've said that!

Gearing up for another defeat

QPR started this game as they left off the last - chasing shadows. West Ham came out of the blocks all guns blazing and their tempo, determination and tough tackling somehow caught the Hoops by surprise (you'd have thought they'd have learned from the Reading experience). The Hammers were rewarded for a good start but it was made all too easy for them as Matt Jarvis was allowed a free header across Julio Cesar into the far corner to give them a 2nd minute lead. This was hugely frustrating as yet again we are gifting teams easy goals but yet having to work ten times as hard to score ourselves (which is what you'd expect in the Premier League). The R's were lethargic, lacked urgency and struggled to string more than two or three passes together at a time, and Djibril Cisse was still insistent on shooting from distance, troubling Jaaskelainen just once all half.

The home side's best chance of the half came from an excellent Esteban Granero delivery on 21 minutes which somehow was cleared off the line by a combination of West Ham bodies (proper defending - a 'keep the ball out at all costs' mentality - take note Rangers!). One of those was that of Winston Reid, who appeared groggy as he was escorted from the pitch after being hurt in the goalmouth scramble. 

After a lengthy delay, play resumed and it was much of the same, with West Ham's energy and determination dominating the midfield. QPR were making Nolan, Diame, Vaz Te and Jarvis look like world beaters and West Ham were having far too much joy down the wings with any of the above proving a mismatch against the ageing Clint Hill or Nedum Onuoha (who I felt went on to have his poorest game in Blue and White Hoops yet). Wright-Phillips was just barged off of the ball by Joey O'Brien (another mismatch), Park was ineffective and distinctly lacked his usual work-rate (just like against Reading) and Granero, who has impressed many since joining us, was very frustrating all half (his free kick aside). The Spaniard insisted on dilly dallying with the ball rather than taking the better option of an open pass to a team mate, which allowed the West Ham midfield far too much time to anticipate his next move every time. 

A second goal was only a matter of time but when it did arrive it was thanks yet again to shocking marking. Stephane Mbia, guilty of leaving Jarvis all alone for the first, gave Ricardo Vaz Te the freedom of West London this time around. Perhaps he expected Julio Cesar to deal with the cross but neither player spoke to each other and it seemed that Cesar expected Mbia to deal with this. Under no pressure, the Portu-geezer had time to adjust himself and score from a seemingly impossible angle (afforded that much time, I probably could have, too). Half time couldn't come soon enough and after six minutes of injury time the R's were booed off when Mark Clattenburg did eventually whistle.

Clattenburg clearly decided at half time that he hadn't been controversial enough in the first half, booking just two West Ham players and no QPR players. He returned to the field later than everyone else and started the second half late after prancing around for a minute or two, seemingly determined to influence the outcome of the game. West Ham started as they had left off and did most of the early second half running. Diame had a decent effort stopped by Cesar and that was enough to spark Sparky into making changes. He called Taarabt and Diakite back from their warm up, a shout met by a chorus of cheers from QPR fans desperately seeking a game changer. On his day, Taarabt is exactly that. Brought on in the 57th minute here, the R's side were visibly lifted by the Moroccan entering the fray and a minute later Taarabt turned on the style, something we've just not seen enough of from him in the Premier League. After taking on the outstanding Diame with a confident swagger, he unleashed an unstoppable 25 yard shot into the top right corner of Jaaskelainen's net. Game on! The crowd were back behind the R's and West Ham looked shell shocked. Unfortunately, Clattenburg picked this moment to try to grab the headlines. He outrageously booked Taarabt for celebrating when he didn't remove his shirt (he only lifted it to reveal a religious message). And after letting so many similar challenges go in the first half, he booked Samba Diakite for the first tackle he made since coming on - yes it was a foul, but not worthy of a yellow for the first time it was committed! 

Unfortunately for QPR fans, Samba Diakite is a lunatic. This was the worst time he could have got a booking and knowing the way the man plays, it was only going to be a matter of time before he got his marching orders. However in the time leading up to his sending off, Diakite was calm, assured and offered the tough-tackling, determined, energetic approach that was required to put the Irons on the back foot. For a twenty minute spell, he ran the central midfield and West Ham had no answer. QPR were creating chances like they haven't done for weeks and it seemed they could go on and get the equalise. Clattenburg had lost his head by this point and was dishing out soft looking yellows to several West Ham players, including one for timewasting to Jussi Jaaskelainen. This is an offence that goes unpunished almost every week in the league but to the Finn's defence, he had only done it once and wasn't even given a warning by the referee. With all these soft yellow card awards having occurred, Clattenburg had set the precedent for the level of challenge that he would deem as a yellow card and with the bar very low, a fairly standard Samba Diakite foul was enough to persuade the deluded referee that it was time to change the colour of the card being dished out. I think it was coming anyway, with Samba being the wrecking ball that he is, but no way would another referee awarded two yellow cards for those two fouls. 

Diakite's sending off effectively ended the game as a contest and whilst Clattenburg continued filling his notebook, Carlton Cole missed a sitter which would have put the game to bed and was duly replaced by Andy Carroll. Unfortunately, QPR became more and more desperate and resorted to the kind of hoof ball I'd associate with the opposition manager. Of course, with his side being masters of this game, Allardyce's men mopped up everything that was hurled towards Zamora and Collins and Tomkins were given an easy ride to the final whistle. There was even time for Ricardo Vaz Te to force Julio Cesar into a world class stop from a thunderous half volley - the Brazilian got a firm hand on the shot and tipped it on to the crossbar where it then went out for a corner. Take a bow son! (However, Julio, your homework this week will be dealing with crosses). In added time Clattenburg finally got the accolade his performance merited by booking an eighth West Ham player (no Premier League side had had eight bookings in a match before this game): James Tomkins this time going in the book, presumably because he took ten seconds to take a free kick and was the only West Ham player that Clattenburg could think of that he hadn't cautioned. 

So all in all a massive disappointment yet again, but bizarrely I'm still convinced that we'll come good under Hughes. I'm not expecting anything at West Brom on Saturday (where the home side have won three out of three and have yet to concede), so I think I'll review his position again after the international break when we *might* have a team of competent defenders. 

Man of the Match: Apart from Adel Taarabt who was a breath of fresh air when he came on and just has to start at the weekend in my mind, it was another poor performance all round from the others. Therefore, I'm forced to consider opposition candidates, and I can't look much further than Mohamed Diame, who has looked an excellent piece of business on a free transfer for the Hammers and ran the midfield here. 

What we learned this weekend

- It should be a criminal offence to leave Peter Crouch unmarked from a set-piece, what were the Swansea defence thinking?!

- Petr Cech showed yet again that he is the world's best goalkeeper in one-on-one situations when attackers try to round him to score
-Steve Kean's sacking must have been the most inevitable yet surprising (timing) ever? Why give him over £8m to spend on players exactly?!
- Who on earth will Venky's pick to replace him? Bookies seem to be assuming they have some football sense which they clearly don't

Match Review: QPR 0-0 Chelsea

Some of the pundits will have you believe this was a bore draw and I've little doubt that it'll have been on towards the end of Match of the Day, but it was far from dull...

As you'd expect, all of the pre-match attention surrounded the 'will they or won't they' handshake saga. Well, they didn't. And that's all the coverage I'm going to give to that.

The match started at a high tempo with tackles flying and referee Marriner was letting an awful lot go. Ramires was booked early on and another referee might have dismissed him within the opening 20 minutes; for a while it looked as though he and a few others would yet again be unable to keep their heads in front of the highly charged home crowd. How Ji-Sung Park managed to stay out of the referee's notebook I will never know! In fact, Ryan Bertrand was somehow the only other name taken in a full-blooded first half that saw QPR lose Andy Johnson and Fabio to injury and Chelsea denied two penalties, the first a rugby tackle on John Terry by Ryan Nelsen which wasn't given because nobody likes John Terry, whilst the second was a coming together between Shaun Wright-Phillips and Eden Hazard which was less clear cut but SWP can consider himself lucky as he certainly didn't get any of the ball. 

It was a real shame for QPR to lose Johnson and Fabio as both had started the match extremely well and contributed some fine touches to some neat attacking football from the home side who looked to start this game just as they finished the one at Citeh. However it was Chelsea who created the best opportunities of the half and forced debutant Julio Cesar into a couple of smart saves. On the subject of Cesar, the QPR defence looked so much more assured in front of him than they have done in front of Green in the first few weeks, he seems to bring a presence in the area that all good goalkeepers bring and I felt so much more relaxed when the ball came into the QPR half than against Swansea, Norwich or Citeh.

Another point of note in the first half was the performance of Esteban Granero, who, just as he did at Citeh, seemed to struggle with getting the Premier League ball out of his feet and his flighted passes struggled to pass men immediately in front of him. He was better in the second half but it still seems like he is used to kicking a different ball. I remember seeing Taye Taiwo having similar issues in his first couple of QPR games last year when on loan from AC Milan. Maybe it's just me that's picked up on this but it definitely didn't look right.

The second half was somewhat different with QPR upping the tempo and forcing the issue a little more. Chelsea were not allowed as much time on the ball as they were in the first half and Park, Wright-Phillips and Granero were absolutely outstanding in work rate, always chasing lost causes and pressurising Chelsea when they had the ball. In central defence, Torres and Hazard got absolutely no change out of Ryan Nelsen who stifled Chelsea's aerial threat brilliantly. Torres' frustration was growing and he fell to the ground more and more frequently in the second half with the kind of melodrama that will forever be associated with Chelsea strikers. Meanwhile Hazard was kept very quiet but for one golden opportunity in the last few minutes which he blazed over. Cue chants of 'what a waste of money!'. The biggest cheer of the afternoon was reserved for John Terry pulling up injured in front of the Paddocks which provided the best opportunity to send some abuse to the subhuman scum-bag.

The R's probably had the better of the half and the best chance fell to Bobby Zamora who, after managing to take Petr Cech out of the equation, spent too long dilly dallying before finally finding three Chelsea players back on the line ready to block his tame shot, which the first one did with ease. Before that, Ji-Sung Park had a free header at goal but could only head straight into the arms of Cech, which was hugely disappointing.

All that said, this was very positive for the home side. Alejandro Faurlin looked back to his pre-injury best as he sprayed passes all over the park. Esteban Granero showed he is extremely capable at coping with the physical demands of the Premier League whilst proving he has a fantastic work rate. Ji-Sung Park is showing he isn't past it as many United fans have made out. 

Unsurprisingly, Di Matteo was wearing his Chelsea hat during his post-match interview and chose only to focus on the two said incidents rather than the fact that QPR had provided more than a match for his expensively assembled side. Every player put in a great shift in Hoops for this and this all bodes well for the coming fixtures away at Spurs and home to West Ham where their work rate will be key to getting positive results. Nobody will roll over for you in the Premier League, and QPR were definitely guilty of believing that Swansea would in the first week. I think they've learned their lesson now...

Man of the match: This could have gone to either Ji-Sung Park or Ryan Nelsen, but I'll go with the latter. What a fantastic signing for QPR he appears to be - I wasn't sure at first given his advancing years but he showed in this game he is still top class. He looks the best centre back we've had for a long time, and who knows, we may even have another better one yet to debut in Stephane Mbia. Very encouraging indeed.

C

Week Three Preview, Just For You

Come Saturday the transfer window dust should have settled and we’ll be left with the always calm matchdays. At the time of writing this post it is Thursday evening and not all transfers will have gone through so just to put a disclaimer in and so you don’t question our sanity if we haven’t covered some big transfers you might have expected in this preview the reason is we’re coming to you from the past! In fact, we’re going to break with all expectation and won’t really be mentioning transfers that much since we’re going to cover all the major stories coming from this past ‘Deadline Day Week’ (patent pending so keep your mits off our phrase Jim White).

This weekend will obviously be interesting to see the debuts of a number of players and also the effect that big name signings have on a team. Will Tottenham players be affected by the loss of Luka Modric and the subsequent arrival of Moussa Dembele? Will West Ham’s strikers be motivated to keep their place ahead of the apparently imminent signing of Andy Carroll on loan or will it peeve some players off? These are all really interesting sideshows to the games and regardless of whether some of the bigger signings are playing I’m sure teams like Fulham and Sunderland might find their fans have been inspired by their marquee signings of Dimitar Berbatov and Adam Johnson respectively. Both of whom are really good signings for these teams I’d venture to add. But we will see anyway won’t we...

So – now to preview some of the weekend’s action:

WBA v Everton - Saturday afternoon sees two of the season’s surprise packages so far meeting at the Hawthorns. Before you cry out Everton fans I mean it’s a surprise you’ve started so well (I don’t know if you knew this but you haven’t really started the season well in most of David Moyes’ reign) not that your squad is excellent – we already knew that. West Brom have also started a lot better than anyone could have predicted other than Frank Skinner and Adrian Chiles. Last weekend’s last gasp draw at White Hart Lane was a terrific result for the Baggies and Romelu Lukaku looks like a really good loan signing. He has come on as an impact sub for both his games so far granted, but he really does look a handful. He has got Drogba-like presence up front and is a man mountain but he has a really good turn of pace. I was surprised Chelsea didn’t keep him actually to provide an alternative to Torres but their loss is West Brom’s gain. Everton played excellent football against Aston Villa and up front they look really dangerous. It’s hard to see past the Toffees for this one, but I have a strange feeling the Baggies might nick a draw again, keeping both sides undefeated.

Prediction: WBA 1-1 Everton

Man City v QPR – Saturday evening sees the return of the game which probably everyone outside of the red half of Manchester (including me) saw as one of the best of all time from May last year (anytime I hear “AGUEROOOOO” I still feel queasy). Citeh’s defence has actually looked unstable this season, in stark contrast to last year. I am a bit sceptical about Mancini’s lineup on Sunday at Anfield though and to be honest I think the inclusion of Kolo the Klown over Joleon Lescott had to be a gesture to Brian Marwood to show him just how thin City’s defence is and their need for another CB to fill the gap if either Kompany or Lescott get injured. It seems Mancini’s got his wish this week with Matija Nastasic close to signing from Fiorentina with the added bonus of Stefan Savic going in the opposite direction to boot! They’ve also added Scott Sinclair to effectively replace Adam Johnson on the bench as well so his pockets will be happy at least even if there doesn’t appear to be any other reason for that move. QPR have been incredibly active in the transfer window this summer and this week is no different, with Julio Cesar arriving from Internazionale so far. This is a really astounding move considering Cesar was a Champions League winner just over 2 years ago whilst Rangers were in the Championship. Granted Cesar’s form has dipped since then but he is a very good goalkeeper and was Inter’s number one just last season. Goodness knows what was going through Rob Green’s head when Cesar was signed though and it’s difficult to imagine Green will be the first choice for much longer at all. Unfortunately for C though I think Rangers squad still needs to gel and I can only see a routine win for Citeh here even though it pains me.

Prediction: Citeh 3-1 QPR

Liverpool v Arsenal – This looks like being the stand out game of the weekend and it is a meeting between two sides who could really do with a morale boosting victory to really get their season going. Last week’s draw against the champions was much needed for Liverpool and they looked like a side beginning to get to grips with Brendan Rodgers’ style and the result will help their belief and inspire them to integrate more fully into the system. Raheem Sterling looked really bright against Citeh and his emergence should see him ahead of Stewart Downing in the pecking order for a long time to come in theory. The arrival of Nuri Sahin is actually quite interesting since Joe Allen produced a man of the match performance and Jonjo Shelvey performed really well for a man thrown into the deep end and having to come on for the injured (and unlucky) Lucas after 5 minutes. It will be interesting to see if Rodgers plumps for Sahin ahead of Shelvey (I can’t believe he’d drop Allen after last week) or sticks with the same midfield that kept Citeh to such a bare minimum of chances really. Likewise it’ll be interesting to see how Arsenal do this week. 0 goals scored and 0 goals conceded is hardly the start Arsene will have dreamed of, but the fact is they haven’t conceded and they have played against 2 teams who have effectively parked the bus against them. In this game it really doesn’t seem like Liverpool will do that and that could be to Arsenal’s advantage. Is this the game that Giroud or Podolski or Cazorla finally click? I think it could be and I’m sticking my neck out to say I can see another score draw here.

Prediction: Liverpool 2-2 Arsenal

Elsewhere this weekend, Man Utd take on Southampton at what should actually be a packed St Mary’s this time (as opposed to my very wrong prediction about this last week). Crewe take on a Coventry team in disarray after manager Andy Thorn was sacked this week, and they will be hoping that there is a delayed reaction to this.

Finally, it’s a massive game for Union Berlin on Monday night as they host their city rivals Hertha BSC in what will be an electric atmosphere at the Alten Forsterei!

Enjoy the weekend and deadline day everyone!

C&J